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TribCo Revenue Grab: Ryne Sandberg to manage at Wrigley

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Deep in the Bowels of the Tribune Company, Sam Zell and a handful of Tribune Company executives are seated around a conference room table.

Sam Zell: We took out too much debt to buy this blasted company. Everybody needs to come up with a way to make more money, pronto! Crane, Crane Kenney, how can the Cubs make more money?

Crane Kenney: Well, we could sell naming rights to Wrigley Field.

Zell: Out of the Box you numbskull!

Kenney: Er... we could sell the stadium to the state. Just make a little contribution to the G-Rod campaign and maybe the state will pay more for the decrepit park than any other suitor.

Zell: I like where you're going with this, Crane... but it's not good enough or quick enough!

Kenney: Well, our best assets are Wrigley Field, followed by our flagpole legends (Ronny, Billy, Ernie, and Ryne). Shazaam! Let's have a legends day at Wrigley!

Zell: Come on Crane, you're almost there... keep squeezin' that noggin' of yours. We already have a legends day virtually every single year. We already sell out every game, how could we possibly squeeze out more revenue?

Kenney: An orgasmic look of bliss suddenly seizes him. We could have a legends game! Get all the guys out to play on the new turf. That'd sell like hot cakes.

Zell: Scratches his beard in deep thought What would happen if Ernie broke his hip... that could be a PR disaster. No, we should keep the baseball playing to young folk.

Kenney: Wait... I'm getting an idea here... We've got Ryne Sandberg managing in Peoria, he'd sell tickets! Let's just have the Chiefs play at Wrigley.

Zell: That's what I'm talking about, Crane.

UPDATE: For part 2 in this series, a look at the expected revenue from this game, see: TribCo Revenue Grab: Revenue Estimate for The Sandberg Game 2

Posted by Byron at May 4, 2008 1:22 AM | Bookmark and Share | BallHype: hype it up!
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