TribCo Revenue Grab: Ryne Sandberg to manage at Wrigley
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Deep in the Bowels of the Tribune Company, Sam Zell and a handful of Tribune Company executives are seated around a conference room table.
Sam Zell: We took out too much debt to buy this blasted company. Everybody needs to come up with a way to make more money, pronto! Crane, Crane Kenney, how can the Cubs make more money?
Crane Kenney: Well, we could sell naming rights to Wrigley Field.
Zell: Out of the Box you numbskull!
Kenney: Er... we could sell the stadium to the state. Just make a little contribution to the G-Rod campaign and maybe the state will pay more for the decrepit park than any other suitor.
Zell: I like where you're going with this, Crane... but it's not good enough or quick enough!
Kenney: Well, our best assets are Wrigley Field, followed by our flagpole legends (Ronny, Billy, Ernie, and Ryne). Shazaam! Let's have a legends day at Wrigley!
Zell: Come on Crane, you're almost there... keep squeezin' that noggin' of yours. We already have a legends day virtually every single year. We already sell out every game, how could we possibly squeeze out more revenue?
Kenney: An orgasmic look of bliss suddenly seizes him. We could have a legends game! Get all the guys out to play on the new turf. That'd sell like hot cakes.
Zell: Scratches his beard in deep thought What would happen if Ernie broke his hip... that could be a PR disaster. No, we should keep the baseball playing to young folk.
Kenney: Wait... I'm getting an idea here... We've got Ryne Sandberg managing in Peoria, he'd sell tickets! Let's just have the Chiefs play at Wrigley.
Zell: That's what I'm talking about, Crane.
Posted by Byron at May 4, 2008 1:22 AM
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